Character Profile 1

Patrick Enigma

There are some friends who you can always depend on; those who you run to for advice and a snugly shoulder to cry on. There are some friends who you rely on for a laugh, for a joke, for a smile. And there are some who you may not see very often but you know will always be there for you… even if you only receive one text per month or a strange drunken voicemail at 2am in the morning. Grumpy face.

I, luckily, have such friends… but none quite as peculiar or as fascinating as my elusive friend; Patrick Enigma.

He is at times rather frustrating, never still and more than usually un-contactable. He is a philandering wizard; a man whose apparel consists of military jackets, a vast collection of knitted jumpers and jeans of a tightness that wouldn’t suit most men. He has a mane of ginger hair which when ruffled up takes on a life of its own; no one else but him may touch. Though I am sure the score of women who have traipsed through his boudoir have had the privilege of a stroke or a play… Grumpy face again.

He is a fox.

The kind from the wild; not biased fairytales.

If you ever scroll through his profile pictures I doubt you’d fail to notice how many there are of him up a tree or surrounded by dramatic landscapes; he is a true child of Gaia. He spends the majority of his time outside, whether it be kicking up autumn leaves with his sorcerer shoes or frolicking in the sea in next to nothing- even in the months of winter. Crazy right?! Not sure what flows through his veins; but it must be teeming with a lava-like substance. His heated blood must be what keeps him so energetic and mobile all the time. His arms are always animated and his expressions change with each passing second. Terribly exhausting… and maybe thats what gives him the firey colour to his hair? 

When I first met him I was stunned.

When he spoke it was a floodgate of words. I could barely understand and could but laugh in response. It amused him, my face, how the muscles within kept contorting into various baffled expressions… and I believe that is why he kept me in his periphery. He enjoyed how confused he made me and took great pleasure in hearing my illogical answers to his torrent of questions. Nowadays I find it easier to keep up with his rapid train of thought. Even though I sometimes stumble and make my face explode with bewilderment, I no longer feel a foreigner.

I still find it hard to believe he chose me to be his friend though – compared to him I think I am as ordinary as a blank piece of paper. But when we share in a giggle or delve into a spirited discussion I never feel blank. His vibrancy turns to paint and it flings towards me; soaking me in significance. Whenever I leave a conversation with him I always come away feeling as if I am drenched in colours.
I reckon that is why women find him so irresistible. He has this way of listening. All his focus is on you and that makes you feel incredibly interesting. Now… how tantalizing is that?

I also believe his inability to stay out of people’s personal space has a valuable part to play in his act of seduction… the intrusion, as far as I have seen, has never been met with revulsion…


We have shared many intriguing moments together and it was him that really got me through all the scary drama modules at Uni. When I shut my eyes the first thing I visualise about him is not his face nor clothes; it’s his bag that he had strapped to his person the whole time we were there. It was a physical expression of his personality and twas littered with random badges, a giant green button and a predominant face from The Mighty Boosh. I also hope that a pewter fox pin I bought him for christmas has joined the collection. I also believe there was a piece of Lego sewn unto it… and as we all know – anyone who is into Lego is Instantly cool. My eyes would always be distracted by this bag and it just reminds me of the ‘Sac Magique’ from Tots Tv… and Tiny Tim seems familiar too… although the contents within are never usually as exciting… Maybe you should work on that Pat?

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that the Patrick Enigma’s of this world are few and precious. And if you are ever lucky enough to have one throw a Cheshire-cat-like smile your way don’t ever let him go; for they are as impressive as whirlwinds and are as hard to catch too.

And I intend never to lose mine.

Creepy smiley face…