A Confession at 14:37

Dear Tesco,


I have written to you today because I have been left with no alternative, I have tried to move on and just forget what ails me but, I’m afraid, I cannot. Now, I am not the kind of person who goes around making formal and outlandish complaints all the time, no sir! I’m the type of person who usually bombards her boyfriend’s ears with her superfluous moans and petty grievances or shouts loudly, indoors, where no one else can hear. So you can imagine then what kind of monstrous act could’ve driven me – a common benevolent bystander – to my laptop to write up this letter of complaint.

I was a loyal customer to you back at University which was two years ago now. Your Egham store was, thankfully, conveniently close and I enjoyed those days of freedom purchasing the food I fancied whenever I wanted. I grew fond of your own brand of food and I soon had particular favourites which I could only get from your store. I shall now get to the point of this letter – I was absolutely in LOVE with your bakery’s own Finest cookies. I was hooked. Addicted. Crazy for them. Especially the raspberry and white chocolate ones. They were my luxury items which I made sure I had money for within my budget.

Unfortunately when I left University so did go my freedom to shop. The closest store to my family home is a Sainsbury’s and their cookies don’t even compare to yours. They were in no way a suitable supplement for my cravings. So from once being a loyal and dedicated customer I become a T-Total cookie consumer. It has been hard.

So when I had the opportunity to visit your store a week ago you can imagine just how excited I was. I had my list all planned and prepared before I arrived and headed straight for the bakery as soon as I got in. I had exclaimed to my partner throughout the whole car journey –

‘I can’t wait to finally have those cookies! Do you know how long I have craved them? Almost a whole year! I am so so so so ready to sink my teeth into them! I am going to buy a whole packet for myself and maybe reserves!’ and so on and so forth.

But when I finally reached the counter, when I was finally so close to my prize, they were not there.

They were nowhere to be found.

I have never ever felt quite as disappointed as I did in that moment.

My stomach felt like it had been vandalised and humiliated. The whole trip was a futile endeavour.


Was it just that one store that didn’t have them or have they been completely scrapped? THEY WERE THE BEST COOKIES IN THE WORLD! They were perfect. I loved their soft texture and their chunky pieces of chocolate. Why on earth would you get rid of them? I even checked online and they aren’t there! I am distraught.

You unceremoniously removed them without giving me the last chance to say goodbye!

I DEMAND that you either bring them back or for goodness sake give me the recipe because I cannot deal with them being absent in my life. I know that is lame but those cookies were HEVEANLY! I cannot express enough how much those cookies meant to me. Without them I really have no reason to visit your store ever again and I know it probably doesn’t mean much to you, I am now one of those infrequent customers, but on those rare occasions when I do grace your store with my presence I would love to know that they will be there. Waiting for me. One small symbol of consistency and love from your behalf.

The least you could do is send me the recipe if you don’t think it’s worth your while putting them back on your shelves, no? Anyway, that is why… that is why I just had to write to you and I hope at least that you hear my plea and do something about it.

Yours sincerely,

Alexandra Neon – Finest cookie addict since 2008