A Confession at 23:58

IMG_0482

My ability to procrastinate truly does astound me sometimes, I promised a post quite a while ago and I’ve only just found the time, please forgive the delay.

The new year has ushered in a whole host of new problems – unemployment, two unfinished stories, a 10K run I need to train vigorously for and well, unemployment – it’s a major one.

But I don’t want to focus on them in this post, I want to focus on the past, I want to focus on 2013, I want to focus on what I WAS able to do last year. I achieved much and I never gave myself the chance to pat myself on the back.

Do you really need to? Yes, yes I believe I do.

You see, I think it right that everyone should look back on their past year. They should pick out all the events they felt proud of, the moments that made them grow in some way, or just the instances that made them smile. This will armor them for the next year, they can face the new digits with a positive attitude.

And that’s exactly what I want to do, so what was worth cheering about? What did I do that was worthy of note? Let’s list, shall we?

1) I passed my driving test.

And at 24 it really was about time. I got fed up of seeing youths driving around as young as 17 or 18 years old in vehicles of their own while I, a mere pedestrian, had to resort to public services. My own personal taxi service thought so too. And by taxi service I obviously mean my Dad. He wishes I paid him.

2) I Went on holiday to Canada with my Boyfriend.

This was our first proper holiday together, ABROAD! So it meant a great deal that we managed to survive the whole two weeks without any mishaps.

Well… there was one tiny argument… nothing to cause alarm… Well… it was a bit worrying when Bandicoot decided to storm off and abandon me in Toronto… But don’t worry, I found him sulking on a wall a little way ahead of me… he remembered that I had the train tickets back to our apartment.

I also had his sunglasses – it’s good to take hostages, remember that.

But, as always with us, we were laughing within minutes of the incident and we used it as a good excuse to… umm… well I think you get the picture.

I would definitely recommend a trip to Canada, Niagara Falls and the CN tower are wonders worth seeing. (As is the Steamwhistle Brewery!)

IMG_2800

3) I QUIT SAINSBURYS!!! Enough said on that point.

4) I GOT MYSELF AN EDITORIAL INTERNSHIP AND IT ACTUALLY TURNED INTO A PAID POSITION!!! I got to work from home, wear slippers all day and drink tea whenever I wanted! (It was only temporary though… hence… unemployment… but it was GREAT while it lasted.)

5) I discovered I love falafel after an interview which began with a ping pong match. (Yes that really did happen, can you imagine a girl racked with nerves, dressed in a sexy secretary outfit, playing ping pong with her interviewer? That was me. Oh and yes obviously I didn’t get it hence… unemployment… Arrrg, I said I wasn’t going to focus on my present problems! Let’s move on!)

6) I started and maintained a BLOG! For a girl who thought she was all out of ideas this was the one thing that stunned me the most. I can’t believe the amount of work I have written, the amount of inspiration I have found. It’s more than I was able to do at University! I shared two of my short stories on ReadWave and both have hit over 500 views, all the comments I received were so positive, I never expected such a wonderful reaction. It has definitely spurred me on!

IMG_5873

7) I rediscovered my love of Sailor Moon with my beast of a sister, complete with the purchases of series 1 to 4, all the films and a Sailor Jupiter Costume. (My sister is Sporting Serena’s red and blue number in this picture.) This programme from my childhood helped me through some the tougher times of 2013… it was an escape for both my sister and I. The ‘negaverse’ was always defeated thank’s to Sailor Moon and it was amazing how much I could relate to the show and the comfort I found from it.

IMG_6466

8) I started running. OUTSIDE! This was a massive achievement for me because for years I believed this was something I would never be able to do. My self-worth and self-esteem were among the bottom-feeders, I had virtually nothing. This was my Everest. I am not what you call fat or obese, but I certainly wasn’t fit or happy. All the exercise I had ever done before was indoors, to venture outside and RUN was unfathomable until this past year. I’m still what you would call a beginner, but the fact that I am outside at all is a miracle.

And the fact that I managed to do a 10k run in 55mins for an event called ‘The Croome Olympics’ is AMAZING! The chubby girl inside me still can’t believe it. (I also won Golden Lady, my first sporting medal, EVER!)

IMG_5097

YAY ME!

So yeah, this post is basically just a massive pat on the back to myself, everyone needs one occasionally and mine has been long overdue. It’s about time we all looked at ourselves in a more positive light and I invite you all to give this particular exercise a go, it’s a great ego boost!

(Although, I’m pretty sure this will only sustain mine for a couple of days, the negative thoughts will, inevitably, creep back. I can’t change myself overnight, as much as I’d like to.)

I am looking forward to 2014!!!

A Confession at 23:50

Boob Envy

MjAxMi01NjQ1M2EwNDdiMGQzMzZl

Jealousy is an irregular and erratic emotion.

Imagine it as a rash; its itchy, its hot and it irritates you right to the core. There are different levels of inflammation that you can catch, ranging from the bearable to the insanely painful. You can have the reoccurring outbreaks of mild prickliness, which only appear in certain places, every once in a while. OR, and this OR is a bad OR because it’s an OR which no person deserves to have, you can have the full bodied blisters, which are constantly ignited and cause searing grief on a daily basis. It depends on your character, I guess, which degree of itchiness you have; if you are of a content disposition I doubt you would get this rash often, but if you are unhappy, insecure and resentful I could imagine how unbearable your rash might be.

It’s an unattractive trait to be sure; one that can creep up unannounced with not so much as a hello or good day to settle in on your heart like it’s a sofa-bed. It’s a squatter, a horrible green-eyed monster squatter, not welcome to stay but not easy to remove either.

I think everyone has this little green monster inside of them. I know I do and though mostly docile mine can be dangerously feral and has a tendency to pop up at the most inconvenient occasions. I think everyone would admit, if they were being really honest with themselves, that at one time or another, this green creature has had a house call.

And I have one that comes a-knocking most frequently.

So here it is; my third confession to you all – I have outrageous boob envy.

It started ever since my classmates hit puberty.

Did you get that?

Yeah/

I mean just so we’re clear – effectively everyone else but ME hit puberty.

I got tha/

My classmates, NOT ME, my friends, NOT ME, everybody else got’s the goodies… except ME. So we are clear, right? They got boobs, I did not. Yeah? Oh… you got that the first time?

Yes/

Without my help? Oh…

Never mind then…

Sorry…

P.E was the worst. I’d wander in all innocent and flat-chested to get changed and BAM… BOOB’S EVERWHERE! It’s no wonder they thought I was a lesbian (not that the short hair helped or anything) for I could but stare, dumbfounded, at them. My eyes would always wander away from theirs and drift down to their chests; at their perfect perky mounds of boob. I found it hard to look away. My jealousy was so severe, so astonished and so in UTTER awe of their tits, that it wouldn’t stop looking at them. Its green eyes were stuck.

‘I’m unhealthily transfixed by them’, partly because I find these big bosoms beautiful but also because I secretly want to punch them back into their chests… I think being a pervert is better than causing physical bodily harm, no?

Mine are pitiful; to quote Bend it Like Beckham they are like ‘mosquito bites’. I wish they weren’t, I wish they were as ample as Kelly Brook’s are… did you see Piranha 3D?  They were splendid… floating nicely underwater like inflatable balls of loveliness… Sigh

I am honestly not a lesbianbut damn… I love her boobs.

It’s funny how many words beginning with B perfectly describe the boobs I want –

Bodacious

Bountiful

Big

Breathtaking

Beautiful

Boobralicious (look it up on Urban Dictionary… it’s there. Also look up breastaholic and breasmerized…)

Baps

Blimpish

Blessed

Bloated

Blossomed

Balloons

Bouncing

Bulky…

Bulky, really? Think you are desperately clutching at straws now… hum? This is turning into a dictionary rather than a blog post.

Ok, ok, maybe not bulky… or most of the others, but you get the idea.

It’s an unattainable desire, one that I will probably never get over. I can only hope that pregnancy will be kind and make my boobs grow to a decent proportion.

But, until then, my boob envy rages on…

So if you see me staring at your bazooma’s, I’m sorry, just take it as a HUGE compliment and know that it’s either that or I cut them off… which do you prefer?